Community Cafe: Exploring GV - What can Men Do?

On 6th December, as part of the 16 Days Campaign Against Gender Violence, we held our first ever Men and Boys Community Cafe led by Sriram Ayer of Nalandaway. It was a conversation that touched upon some uncomfortable truths and built platforms for many more productive actions.

"Men are the protectors. It is their job to care for women" - This is a commonly held opinion that we find expressed in many forums and not many of us find fault with these kind of statements. In fact, we actively believe that the opposite of violence is a kind of chivalry characterized by a protective instinct. The group discussed how such characterizations impact men, women and the choices, opportunities and resources available to them.

The session began with a 'Spin a Yarn' session where a primer line for a story is given and everyone adds to it, in turn. It started with a young man on his way home from work, who spots a young woman smoking on the road. The story changed in perspective and tone as each of us took turns adding to it. It raised many problematic themes about how women are viewed, what we believe is appropriate behaviour for women and the conditions we place on their use of public spaces.

It was a great starting point for a brisk and practical discussion on gender violence and its many forms, from homes to workplaces to the street and the conversation centred on what can be done to change how things stand and what each of us can do, individually and collectively to make a difference.

Here are some of the points that were raised:

• As a society, we have set standards for masculinity and femininity and this sets unfair and forced expectations for both men and women.
• Girls and boys are raised with different sets of rules and this automatically impinges on women's freedom and choices.
• As bystanders, how can interventions be made - The space between doing nothing and doing something extreme, such as approaching the police was discussed.
• A question was raised about why interventions were skewed towards survivors and in what ways society can intervene to change perpetrators. While prevention mechanism in terms of education and attitude change and targeted interventions with young people were raised, the idea of changing violent behaviour among offenders was a far more complicated issue than could be discussed in 2 hours.
• Individual actions were also discussed and many practical suggestions were made including the use of social media to spread messages about gender and violence as well as initiating many more dialogues such as this and engaging in sustained conversation about GV.

Thank you Sriram Ayer, for being such a wonderful host!

Community Cafe: Exploring GV - From Mythology to the Workplace

An insightful conversation led by GEM N.Shekar, the group traveled from women in mythology to women in workplaces to discuss gender stereotypes and the cultural norms that influence attitudes and behaviour.

Before the community cafe began, an enthusiastic discussion about Kamba Ramayanam revolved around Kaikeyi and the good woman - evil woman dichotomy. Her love for Rama was juxtaposed with her need to secure Bharatha's claim over the throne. Alternative interpretations were discussed and the need to go beyond black and white representations was recognized.

Moving on to modern workplaces, the new Workplace Harassment Law and the increasing awareness in recognizing violence in the workplace and building systems that can effectively intervene was noted. The importance of understanding that each of us have personal boundaries that differ and what is okay and normal for us might not be for another was also raised. Where systems do exist, the difficulty of navigating rules that are not clearly defined and are based on personal perceptions of safety and appropriateness was debated vociferously.

That systems are not perfect and are populated by individuals from diverse backgrounds and therefore challenges in both implementation and interpretation will still persist is a given, but having them initiates a culture of openness and zero tolerance towards violence. It also helps challenge prevalent notions about our expectations of how women and men "should" be.

Thank you N.Shekar, for being such a wonderful host!

Meet Our GEMS: N.Shekar

Saying NO to Gender Violence

by Meera Srikant

Shekar brings more than 30 years of global experience as a veteran software industry executive with strong background in engineering design, software product development and sales/marketing of products and services to international markets. Most recently, he was the Vice President of Corporate Strategy and also served the role of Managing Director for CDG India – A Boeing Company, after having worked in several leading IT companies.  In 2001, Mr. Shekar also co-founded a successful and the first ever VC funded software product company in India with investment from Softbank Venture Funds. Mr. Shekar is a graduate in Mechanical Engineering from Bangalore University and also holds a Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering from University of Texas at Arlington, TX and a MBA in Marketing from San Jose State University, CA. He shares his concern about gender violence and his reasons for participating in the Prajnya campaign…

Why is this issue important to you?

The society around us is now made up of nuclear families – joint family system is missing – which is probably increasing cause of lack of empathy. The society can benefit from some raised awareness on this issue.

What is it you feel most strongly about?

India was known as a peaceful country – but the increasing level of abusive behaviour against women and girl child is condemnable and we need to educate the young men out there of the need for respect and need to be protective of the women and girl child.

Tell us about your activity for Prajnya campaign and what you hope to do with it?

I would be conducting a one-day community café event at my home with my circle of friends and acquaintances to share the need to spread the awareness within their circle of influence in all walks of their life.

Three things you would suggest to keep these individual actions going.

When you hear abusive language against women/girls, say “STOP”.

When you see unacceptable behaviour against women/girls, be the first to prevent the same. 

Always demonstrate yourself as the best example to follow in dealing with women/girls, so that you have the credibility to do the above.

Meet Our GEMS: Sriram Ayer

Agents of Change

by Meera Srikant

Sriram Ayer is the founder and CEO of Nalandaway Foundation (www.nalandaway.org), which works with children from the poorest districts in India, helping them raise their voices and issues through theatre, visual arts, music, dance, radio and films. Named by the "Outlook Business" magazine as one of the top 50 social entrepreneurs in India, he has received numerous awards, including the World Bank’s "South Asia Development Marketplace" award, "Architect of the future" by Waldzell Institute, Austria, and the fellowship from Ashoka. He shares with Prajnya his reasons for being involved in the campaign and what he hopes to achieve through the Community Café he will facilitate.

Why is this issue important to you?

India and the world have never been kind to women. As someone who strongly believes in equality, non-violence, freedom and justice, I have a responsibility to voice my opinion and take action when such rights and opportunities are denied for women. 

What is it you feel most strongly about?

I believe in the eternal goodness of all beings. We perpetrate violence and injustice due to fear and ignorance. It is important to recognise that all perpetrators, men in this discussion, be treated as victims and deserve rehabilitation. This means that we listen to them, help them understand their prejudices and provide training to change behaviour. Studies across the world show that punitive punishment and legal deterrence alone has not helped prevent crimes against women.

Tell us about your activity and what you hope to do with it.

The idea is to create advocates who stand up against crimes on women. During the activity we would like to discuss, challenge our notions, myths and understand practical ways to help each one of us become part of the solution.

Three things you would suggest to keep these individual actions going

Never, never, never give up on human beings. They may not have your sense of urgency but they will come around for the greater good.