Day 8: The Violence of Heteronormativity: A Symposium

Partnering with Orinam to speak about violence against LGBTIQA+ persons is now a Campaign tradition. This year, having become accustomed to the idea of resource creation events, we suggested putting something that would be both a platform for discussion of key issues and an introduction for those who want to learn more. 

Dr. L. Ramakrishnan, from SAATHII and volunteer at Orinam, conceptualised, invited and led the preparation for the panel in his inimitably gentle leadership style, and we were lucky to get some wonderful speakers from around the country: Maya Sharma from Vikalp, Vadodara; Mridul Dudeja, LABIA-A Queer Feminist LBT Collective, Mumbai; Deepthi K., Orinam volunteer and founder of Queer AFAB support group, Chennai Queer Cafe; and Suchaita Tenneti, PhD student, JNU and 2019 Rajaram Fellow at Prajnya.

We streamed the panel live to Facebook, and you can catch it here. It will also be posted on YouTube, in its entirety and as clips of individual presentations. (The link will be updated here.)

The following notes were taken by Meghna Menon during the programme: 

Maya Sharma, Vikalp, Vadodara:

• "The institution that heteronormativity imbeds is the gender roles or the division of men and women or their biological difference to make one subordinate and the other superior. So it is closely linked to patriarchy where a man is dominant and a woman is superior. But, this system completely invisibilises queer women."
• "The term we first had was lesbian, which came from urban centres. I have also heard that in Uttar Pradesh, the word rangli is used to describe the relationship between women and women."
• "This system of heteropatriarchy completely marginalises queer experience because it is so divided in men and women pockets and the roles which play up in their daily lives."
• When asked if she would like to share her experience with cisheteronormativity, Maya Sharma replied, ": ....my love for women got me into a lot of trouble in school, in my workplace and my married life. While working with trade unions, I have been told that I lower the prestige of an organisation by talking about such issues and within months, I had to quit. Trade unions don't tell you to quit directly but they do it in a way where you have to quit. That's a form of violence as well, where you are told to ease off and get lost. I got lost but I found myself in a process, and I continue to find myself."

Mridul Dudeja, LABIA-A Queer Feminist LBT Collective, Mumbai:

• "There are very strict boxes and labels that go with heteronormativity and when one steps out of it, there are punishments. So, heteronormativity is heteronormative violence, there is no difference"
• "In terms of external violence by larger society on transmasculine folks, it can exist in terms of microaggression to macroaggression, outright transphobia, refusal to acknowledge or accept our identity, refusal to use correct pronouns which happens in larger societies and unfortunately in progressive spaces as well. Another example is that the society would either negate our lived realities and wont do anything to accommodate them, or find reasons to consider us as 'less than' by framing something like the Trans Act which was formed without talking to trans people."
• "Another key issue is understanding masculinity itself, from a transmasculine perspective. The same applies to femininity from a transfeminine perspective. Masculinity itself is a learned concept. It is not inherent. We learn it from men around us. So then, the only way we learn masculinity is by observing the traits of men around us. So there exists no vantage point between toxic masculinity and masculinity. It is one and the same because that's all that you know, which in turn leads to a lot of conflicts."
• "Dysphoria is an example of internalised heteronormativity. Dysphoria is a lived reality. A lot of us struggle with it to varying degrees. I can't help but think, if the society was not cisheteronormative, with no strict roles on how men and women should look, wouldn't the dysphoria be a little more manageable?"
• "The privilege that transmasculine persons have is a circumstantial privilege. You don't feel confident to go out like a cisman feels but, you won't be interrupted when you are talking or you will be able to negotiate higher wages."
• "It is important to engage, question this existing system and come up with our own brand of masculinity as transmasculine folks and it is not going to be easy in terms of the larger society."

Deepthi K, Orinam volunteer and founder of Queer AFAB support group , Chennai Queer Cafe:

• "In a million ways, we are taught that the only relationship that is valid is a heterosexual one."
• "For a lot of AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) people, it starts from childhood where their gender expression is policed, whether it is the mother saying 'sit like a girl' or 'don't cut your hair, who will marry you' or policing how AFAB persons walk. It, especially, gets difficult when you are of the 'marriageable age'."
• "I started the Chennai Queer Cafe to fight heteronormativity and normalise queer conversations, whether it is the happiness or the tough parts."
• "When you look into how the situation was over a decade ago and how it is now, there has been some change. I think, it is social media that is normalising gender expressions or the fact that same-sex relationships do exist. In particular, Tiktoks, which are not banned, have cut a huge class barrier which clarifies that queer and lesbian identities are not just a western import."
• "There is support. Social spaces and safe spaces. You just have to reach out. It will take time to find acceptance. Sometimes, parents do come around, too. But, of course, we need a lot of change in terms of workspaces, public spaces, healthcare or movies. We need a lot of conversations about queer lives and heteronormativity." 

Suchaita Tenneti, PhD student, JNU and 2019 Rajaram Fellow at Prajnya, Mumbai:

• "There have been sporadic contemplations of whether we need a clear blanket ban using legislative interventions with regard to conversion therapies and how one can identify and measure conversion therapies."
• "Very often, it has been found, all over the world, that families play a very critical role in administering conversion therapies. There is also a very important component carried out in informal and religious settings. It has been found by ILGA that informal forms of conversion therapy outside the medical systems are highly pervasive."
• "There are other subtle forms of conversion therapy like psychotherapy and religious counselling. It is very difficult to identify these because they are insidious and the violence is much lesser."
• "It is necessary to question about about whether conversion therapy should be called 'therapy', because they are forms of violence as well....Conversion treatments or attempts are not therapeutic."
• "Sensitisation, changing attitudes toward LGBTQIA+ people, networking and working with families, religious leaders and LGBTQ+ organisations can help. It is important to also include mental health professionals in conversations about conversion treatment. all over the world, unfortunately, mental health professionals have played a big role in administering conversion treatment."
• "The only way to handle conversion treatments, which I would like to call curative violence, is through a multilayer multifaceted approach through networking of multiple organisations, professionals, non-professions, activists and families."

Discussion:

• A participant asked the panel how one can deal with abusive parents after coming out. Maya Sharma responded by saying, "we get the community to talk to them and also undertake home visits to ensure the person is safe. Deepthi K also added to the discussion by mentioning that it is necessary to have a physical and emotional distance before coming out, in case it would force an individual into an abusive situation. In particular, during situations like COVID-19, it would be helpful to have 2-3 friends for emotional or moral support.
• Another participant mentioned how often people undergo conversion therapies to prove to their parents that it is the only way for them to understand that it doesn't make a difference. Sucheta Tenneti responded that laws against conversion treatment are only partially effective. It is necessary to reach out to support groups. She also recommended a 2009 documentary by the American Psychological Association called "Appropriate Therapeutic Responses To Sexual Orientation". Sucheta also mentioned that there are cases of people undergoing conversion treatment voluntarily because life is difficult when one is non-confirming.
• Other conversations in the discussion revolved around understanding toxic heteronormativity within queer relationships (queer, or otherwise), intimate partner violence in queer relationships and if sexual pleasure in a relationship can be considered as a reproduction of heteronormativity. Mridul Dudeja responded to a question concerning the possibility of toxicity in gender roles by saying that if there are very clear gender boundaries one cannot cross in a relationship, it is very toxic. The discussion also saw participation from the participants who spoke the reassurance given by popular media to lay emphasis on the depictions of queer relationships, for instance with the bi-pan representation in Schitt's Creek and 377: AbNormal.