Parents: A Child's First Safe Space
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Pictured: From left to right (top row) Janani Ramesh, CAREspaces Executive Member (Ratipriya Suresh), Neha Krishnamachary, Rajeswari Satish, (middle row) Nivedita Sridhar, Srimathy Mohan, Radhamani Varadhachary, Arun Mahadevan, (bottom row) Meera Seshadri, Sachin Pendse (CAREspaces Executive Member).
Screenshot courtesy: Aisvarya Chandrasekar (CAREspaces Executive Member) |
On December 6, 2020, Prajnya partnered with CAREspaces, a nonprofit organization aiming to provide tangible measures for more conscientious and ethical workspaces in the Indian arts communities. “Boundary-setting & Safety in the Indian Arts” was a guided, online discussion for parents on recognizing safety concerns, how to speak to children about it, and how to move forward to safety. Moderating the discussion were co-founders of CAREspaces– Janani Ramesh and Neha Krishnamachary. Speakers included parents, students, and teachers, most of whom are current performing artists local to the USA– Nivedita Sridhar, Radhamani Varadhachary, Rajeswari Satish, Srimathy Mohan, Meera Seshadri, and Arun Mahadevan. The speakers provided relatable voices by sharing their honest, lived experiences, reinforcing that CAREspaces is an organization for all members in the Indian arts space. Here are five key takeaways from this discussion, combining all speakers’ thoughts:
Recognize. There is a difference between disciplining and degrading. Teachers should ask students what is convenient for them– respectability is what cultivates a relationship, not authority. Cultivating joy for an art form should come before cultivating the art itself, if one wants the student to take ownership of their learning.
Prioritize. Harassment often starts as an ego play from teacher to students and families– not offering room to say no, berating them for qualities they may not have inherently (e.g. cultural knowledge, body type), demeaning them for their financial status, not giving constructive criticism, threatening the loss of opportunities, commenting on or restricting students’ personal lives, etc. This sets the student up to seek external validation. Instead, teach art for art’s sake– focus on enriching students’ understanding of the art, accept your limitations as a teacher, encourage questions and sharing individual perspectives, and prioritize teaching self-awareness & safety from an early age. This gives power back to the child.
Care. Talking about harassment, both sexual and non-sexual, can be a vulnerable moment for both the parent and child. Parents need to be supportive and supported. Parents' first words in a conversation where a child discloses discomfort need to be, “it is not your fault. What do you need right now to make you feel safe?” If the child asks an unexpected question, it is okay to admit that you are still figuring it out.
Listen. Children may be testing waters by revealing only parts of what makes them uncomfortable– it is important to not ignore signals or information. Parents need to role model asking questions about what makes them safe or uncomfortable, making them aware of their existing internal checkpoints. Discussion should be encouraged between parents & children and parent & teachers, and it should be easy, simple, and regular.
Reroute. Leaving your current situation does not have to mean loss of opportunities. As a student or parent: research and connect with what else exists out there, map out your options, know that you have alternative places to go. As a teacher or organizer: use your platform to express allyship, reach out to other local organizations and ask them what they are doing to create a safe space and safe opportunities for students to perform. Ideally organizations should have an independent and objective Internal Complaints Committee to access matters of misconduct. Parents should maintain an active network of trusted peers– both young and experienced– to familiarize themselves with the Indian arts space before committing their child to a teacher.
The YouTube live event had over 150 attendees, spanning all ages and multiple roles within the Indian arts community– self-identified students, organizers, teachers, parents, performers, and rasikas/aficionados. Many were from the USA, several from India and other countries as well. Both the speakers and audience kept engaged for the full duration, speakers responding directly to one another’s narratives while the audience shared thoughts and questions on the live chat.
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